February 7, 2010

Not sure what to call this post.

I've had a lot on my heart and on my mind lately. I just don't know how to share it with others! I think I'm realizing I'm not the world's best communicator. I don't always talk about myself a whole lot unless someone asks specific questions. I tend to shut down when things are bothering me. Well I guess I shut down until I can't hold things in anymore and then they come pouring out - to Andy! Poor thing that he has to deal with THAT! Sorry babe.

I'm having the hardest school year of my 9 years teaching. It is completely draining me every day. I enjoy my job and I enjoy the kids I teach but it's never been this demanding before. Having Wilson with me before and after school and then coming home to my other two boys and I have a day from 6:30am-bedtime with kids. I love kids. I especially love MY kids! But a girl can only take so much! Sometimes I wish for peace and quiet - a chance to hear myself think. But I know without all of the children in my life it would probably be quite boring! Still. I need moments away. (I do get them sometimes! )

I'm sure all moms deal with the pressure. The pressure to be a great mom, to keep the house relatively clean, to keep up with laundry, cooking, the list goes on and on. I can't keep up. But I try to do all the things I am supposed to do. Last week I realized we haven't been practicing reading with Wilson. We practice spelling words and his weekly sight words but that is about it. I talked with Andy about it and we figured out an afternoon schedule so we can get everything done that we need to. I felt like the worst teacher mom ever. I mean hello, a teacher of all people should be practing their child's reading to make sure he's making progress. Don't worry, I just mean 10-15 mintues a day. Not something crazy. But when I realized that we hadn't I was all hard on myself. My expectations are high. I want to be this great mom. But life, stress, and stuff gets in the way.

Three kids, all boys, 6 and under, teaching full time, marriage, housework, laundry, cooking, trying to exercise again, it's no wonder I feel this way! I enjoy life, I'm happy, it's just hard! A lot to juggle. Everyday is like a 15 hour work day.


Cara said...

You are not alone! I don't have kids all day, but I deal with lots of mean adults! We just have to plug along one day at a time and find joy through it all.

Sarah said...

Alyssa, you are seriously supermom!! I am AMAZED that you do as much as you do. I stay home with ONE child and I'm exhausted by the end of the day...I can't imagine how you must feel!! Prayers for you...let Jesus carry you when you don't have the strength to go on, like the Footprints poem. :)

Curtis and Tricia said...

I honestly don't know how you do it -- it is enough for me with marriage and a household without kids! And I agree with Sarah, you are a supermom!! I truly admire the woman that you are and I can only hope someday to be a small percentage of the wife and mom you are!! You are simply wonderful!! Chin up!!