I've had a lot on my heart and on my mind lately. I just don't know how to share it with others! I think I'm realizing I'm not the world's best communicator. I don't always talk about myself a whole lot unless someone asks specific questions. I tend to shut down when things are bothering me. Well I guess I shut down until I can't hold things in anymore and then they come pouring out - to Andy! Poor thing that he has to deal with THAT! Sorry babe.
I'm having the hardest school year of my 9 years teaching. It is completely draining me every day. I enjoy my job and I enjoy the kids I teach but it's never been this demanding before. Having Wilson with me before and after school and then coming home to my other two boys and I have a day from 6:30am-bedtime with kids. I love kids. I especially love MY kids! But a girl can only take so much! Sometimes I wish for peace and quiet - a chance to hear myself think. But I know without all of the children in my life it would probably be quite boring! Still. I need moments away. (I do get them sometimes! )
I'm sure all moms deal with the pressure. The pressure to be a great mom, to keep the house relatively clean, to keep up with laundry, cooking, the list goes on and on. I can't keep up. But I try to do all the things I am supposed to do. Last week I realized we haven't been practicing reading with Wilson. We practice spelling words and his weekly sight words but that is about it. I talked with Andy about it and we figured out an afternoon schedule so we can get everything done that we need to. I felt like the worst teacher mom ever. I mean hello, a teacher of all people should be practing their child's reading to make sure he's making progress. Don't worry, I just mean 10-15 mintues a day. Not something crazy. But when I realized that we hadn't I was all hard on myself. My expectations are high. I want to be this great mom. But life, stress, and stuff gets in the way.
Three kids, all boys, 6 and under, teaching full time, marriage, housework, laundry, cooking, trying to exercise again, it's no wonder I feel this way! I enjoy life, I'm happy, it's just hard! A lot to juggle. Everyday is like a 15 hour work day.