December 1, 2009

Life is good...but sometimes hard.

Why? Why do I let the little things get me down? I have a wonderful life and family. Some days it is more than I can take in - being a fulltime working mom with 23 students all day then coming home to take care of my family, house, and all the daily things in life. Tonight I told Andy I thought I was going crazy. TOO MUCH! Wilson is whining all the time. Licking his lips all the time. He has a ring of red around his mouth everyday. I can't be there to apply aquaphor all the time. He has been struggling to walk to his class but once he is there and I am gone - he is fine. On the way to school today we had to talk about what happens if the school burns down. His worries and anxieties are pushing me over the edge. It feels like it has gotten so much worse lately. Sometimes I just want to scream instead of explain, forewarn, promise it will all be okay AGAIN. Today at school I cried. I worry about him. I usually can set his worries aside and don't let them get to me but today I couldn't. I don't want him to deal with this forever. He has his second appt with the play therapist tomorrow.

Then I opened the letter from CCH about Tyler's last hemangioma/dermatology appointment 5 months ago. Reading the dr reports just throw the whole "capillary malformation" back in my face. They make it sound so real. The reports are good but all the "no complications at this time" etc just make my mind wonder what if... I have been doing so well with just trusting God, that he is in control. I need to give it over to God again and not worry about the silly dr report we got in the mail. The doctor's at CCH are so nice and thorough. I appreciate the reports, it just makes me realize how serious his port wine stain is - because of what it could become.

Just a hard day as a momma. I know it will all work out okay.


Patti Money said...

Alyssa! (((Hugs))) Being a mom is so hard, and I only have one child and not three! It's only normal that you get discouraged and frustrated at times. For what it's worth, I think you totally rock and Andy and the boys are extremely blessed to have you as their wife/mother!

By the way, I finally updated my blog.

Anonymous said...

I love you!! Chin up.

Laura said...

I've been there- several times this year. You are not alone! Just hang in there for a few more weeks.