Looking for Balance...Maybe...

So my heart is torn between being with my boys every second I'm not at school (45+ hours a week) and finding some time for myself. Or finding time for date nights with Andy or even time out with friends! Going back to work after having children was tough from day one because I didn't want to leave them. It did start to get easier as they've gotten older but then came baby #2 and baby #3, making it harder all over again!! So when I'm invited to do things on the weekend I have a hard time making a decision. I can't decide if it is ok to leave the boys AGAIN to go do something without them. I know in my head it is ok to make time for myself blah, blah, blah. But it hurts my heart to be away from them even more. Believe me I could use the break every now and then and I know it would be good for me. But how do you get over the leaving again? It just causes me anxiety thinking about it and trying to decide. Andy and I hardly ever go out alone - sometimes we go out after they are in bed. Not just because it is hard to leave again but also because it is expensive to hire and babysitter and pay for a night out! So I need advice. I need to hear your stories and how you balance kids + work + time for yourself . In theory I understand how it SHOULD all work. It is just hard for me to carry that out and be OK with being away. I have been running and that has been my time - it's nice. Hopefully that will motivate me to KEEP running!!! It will get easier as Ty gets older, right? Only a few weeks left of nursing! I have to say it is NICE to not be pumping on my lunch break this school year!!!